The Days of Yearning
by Kris Wright
Summary: SPOILER ALERT - This is the 5th season finale. My views on what might happen. Review please. JJ


A/N: Here's another one-shot fic. There'll probably be a follow up after this…I have a feeling... Anywho, let's get this party started!

-

Lorelai was sitting at her desk and rubbing her temples. She had a horrible headache; partially from the lack of sleep she got and part of it from Michel being himself. She worked as hard as she did when the inn opened but instead of taking up all the other jobs; she just immersed herself in making the inn a perfect place. Balancing books, keeping inventory, planning ways to make the inn more comfortable for guests, whatever she could do to get her mind of Luke.

She was suddenly hit with a memory of them being together: her parents wedding. They were dancing and having fun. She remembered what the band leader said, "At this time, if you're in love, we'd like to invite you to join Emily and Richard on the dance floor." Lorelai asked Luke to dance. She was hoping he had heard the comment, but apparently he didn't, but they did have fun on the dance floor. That was the day before she went to Luke to make things better, but he just told her he needed a break. "What?" she had asked to what he said.

"I think we should take a break from us," he said.

"Why?"

"We're obviously not in the same place, and I just can't trust you right now."

She looked devastated. "You're breaking up with me in your storage room because I told a little white lie? God, something heavy should fall on me right about now…"

"I'm not br-"

"I don't accept that, Luke. I didn't tell you the truth because I didn't want you to get upset. You should have told me to be open and honest with you about everything. I don't know how to do this correctly! I've never been in this kind of relationship before!"

"Shh," he said trying to silence her. "Do you want the town to hear?"

"I don't care! You're ending this because you're scared!" she screamed with tears in her eyes. "It's not that you don't trust me; you don't trust yourself! You're afraid of where this might go or what's going to happen along the way!"

"Lorelai-"

"Fine! Forget it! See if I flippin' care!" She then stormed out of the diner planning on never speaking to him again.

But then reality sank in and she realized she couldn't live without him. They both worked on the play at the elementary school. Lorelai was going to gain the courage to speak with him, but she never got the chance. And when she noticed the boat was gone, she had lost all hope of reconciliation. She had talked to him, but it was so forced; it hurt her deeply.

Lorelai focused back on the present and looked at her desk calendar. It had been 13 weeks since they had broken up. And tomorrow would have been their anniversary, too. She had almost had a relationship for a year, but fell just a few months under. She sighed deeply and tried to ignore Luke and her growing headache. There was a light tap on the door, and she granted them entrance.

"Hey, sweetie, how're you doing?" the very pregnant Sookie asked.

"I'm ok. I just have a killer headache. Why haven't you gone home yet? I told you you're only working half days until you want to go on maternity leave."

"I know. I just wanted to check on you before I leave. If I don't, you know nobody else will. Especially Michel."

"Oh, well, Michel cares only about himself."

Sookie chuckled. "French men."

"You said it sister," Lorelai said as she pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Do you want something, Lorelai? I can get you some Tylenol…"

"No, it's all right, I'll just have some coffee and I'll be feeling better in no time."

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"Well…" Sookie started.

Lorelai held up a hand. "Sookie, please tell me we have coffee."

"I'm not a good liar…"

"Sookie! Where's the coffee?"

"Well, I've been so busy, and the only person who can make good coffee is only here in the morning so we tend to run out."

Lorelai whined a cry in defeat. "This is not possible." She stood up and grabbed her purse from the shelf behind her.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to Luke's."

"Why?"

"To get some coffee! I know we're not together, but maybe he'll let me stay long enough to consume some of the brown goodness."

"Lorelai, that's impossible."

"I know he has a temper now, but I-"

"Luke's gone," Sookie said a little forcefully.

Lorelai was silent for a few seconds just staring a Sookie then said, "What?"

"Luke's gone," she repeated softly and quietly.

She sat down in her chair again. "B…but….how? When?"

"He's been gone a few days. Lane and Caesar don't know where he is, either. Everyone's…" She stopped talking because Lorelai slumped over with her head in her hands. "Lorelai? Are you ok?"

"He really did it," she mumbled.

Sookie came over to Lorelai and put her hand on Lorelai's shoulder. "Sweetie, it's going to be all right."

Lorelai looked up with tear-stained cheeks. "Do you even remember him saying he was going to leave?"

"Of course I do. It was right after you guys got together…physically."

Lorelai lightly scoffed. "Please don't make light of the situation."

"Sorry." Lorelai stood up again. "What are you doing?"

She turned at the door. "I'm going to the diner."

"But…" but Lorelai was already out the door.

-

Lorelai opened the door with the key for Jess that Luke never got rid of. She walked around the empty diner with a look of longing on her face. Sookie was watching her from the doorway. "See?"

She made her way to the stairs with her friend at her heels. She walked around the apartment and noticed key things that were missing: his coat, some books, and his toiletries. Lorelai took one last look over the apartment. "Lorelai, come on, honey." She didn't listen, though. Her eyes caught sight of the closet and she made her way over to the door. Lorelai opened it and found all the clothes were gone except for two things: his Jimmy Buffet shirt and a flannel shirt. Lorelai grabbed the sleeve as tears started to well up in her eyes. "Well look at that. He left one of his flannels shirts!"

Lorelai sniffed and said, "This was mine."

"What?"

"This was mine. I used to wear it as a sort of nightgown when I stayed…" Lorelai's voice faded out as she stared at the blue checks.

"Oh, sweetie."

She bit her quivering bottom lip and regarded the shirt with emotion. "He left it here. That means that he didn't want memories of me so he's over me and-" her voice cut off as she started to sob. Sookie put her arms around her and hugged her tightly. She soothed her for a few minutes until Lorelai calmed down and wiped the tears away.

"Let's get out of here," Sookie said with her hand on Lorelai's arm.

She nodded in response and pulled the shirt off the hanger. She looked at Sookie and said, "As a keepsake." There was a slight pause. "I'm not clinging."

Sookie half-nodded as she made her way to the door. "Come on, let's go." She got Lorelai out of that building as fast as she could.

-

Once Lorelai was in the safety of her own home, she pulled the flannel chemise out of her purse and brought it with her to the couch. As she sat down, she stared at the material and thought about the first time she wore it. It was their first date. They had spent a wonderful night together and when she woke up, she was ready for coffee, as usual. The shirt was the first and only thing she grabbed and threw on to go downstairs. She thanked herself for deciding not to go in the nude, or the townies would have had a view of what Luke had of the night before.

From that memory, she thought up of how they even got together. He asked her to his sister's wedding. A date. And she never thought twice about it. They talked, laughed, and had a good time. They also danced. He knew how the waltz! He wasn't such a hermit as she thought he was. She started out nervous, but became more comfortable as the moved to the music and he slowly pulled her closer. Now that she thought about it, the only thing she could think to say was, "Sly!" But then she remembered how she felt with his arms around her. Happy.

Lorelai's mind flooded with all the moment she spent with Luke, then the moments they spent apart. Tears overcame her and she started sobbing into the shirt. She had never properly wallowed and she didn't want to because she always had hope that they would get back together. And now he was gone. It was time for her to wallow. _Rory did it, but then she got back together with Dean. There's still hope, right? Of course I'm right._

A few minutes later Lorelai was sitting on the couch with a huge tub of Ben Jerry's with the flannel shirt staring at her from the coffee table. She was thinking about their first "date," their first kiss, the beginning of their relationship, the first date, the first romantic dinner…suddenly she was struck with an idea. She stopped eating her ice cream and shot up to throw it back in the freezer. Lorelai then grabbed the flannel and ran upstairs. In her room she found a small overnight bag and crammed the shirt in there. She then went for a few random shirts from her closet and then some pants and underwear. She hurried to the bathroom with the bag in hand and threw in a toothbrush, toothpaste, and a hair brush. After that she flew downstairs to grab her purse and was out the door with a smile on her face.

-

Lorelai approached the door and banged on it a few times. After a few seconds she pushed the doorbell two times. Once again she started to pound on the door and it was finally opened. "What the—"

"Hey Liz," Lorelai said with a small smile.

"Lorelai."

"I need a favor."

"I can't tell you where he is."

"But you do know."

"Yes, I do, but I can't tell you."

Lorelai sighed. "Can I come in? This is big."

Liz smiled lightly and moved back. "Sure, come on in."

They walked into the living where TJ was sitting on the couch watching TV. "Hey TJ," Lorelai said. He nodded blankly while still fixated on the television. Lorelai turned back to Liz.

"So, what's up, Lorelai?"

"I need to know where he is."

"I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because I promised him."

"I need to get to him."

"Why?"

Lorelai crossed her arms and looked away. "You wouldn't believe me even if I told you."

"Try me," Liz said while mimicking Lorelai's position.

She took a deep breath. "I haven't been to Luke's in a really time. But today, I was going to go over there. Little did I know, he was long gone. When I got there, it was depressing. It didn't look like his diner, somehow. Upstairs, it felt empty." She paused shortly. "Then, I opened his closet and found one shirt in there. A flannel shirt. One I used to wear. He didn't take it with him, so I thought that he was over me. I need to know for sure. I can't start the process without knowing where he is. But the thing is, I don't want him to get over me."

"A little bit selfish there, aren't we?" TJ suddenly stated.

She turned her head toward him and then she looked back at Liz. "No, it's not like that at all. I don't want him to get over me because I don't want to get over him. I just…I just want to tell him that…" Lorelai stopped and looked at her feet. She was starting to cry again and she saw tears drop on her shoes.

"Tell him what?" Liz asked quietly.

Lorelai sighed and slowly brought her head up. Once her eyes were level with her companion, she said, "Tell him…tell him that…I love him." She let the words sink in before she continued, "and that I want to be with him. I want him to know that I have been in love with him for a very long time and I miss him terribly. I can't function without him and I need him because I've been a pseudo-Lorelai for the past few months. I can't live without him. He's my oxygen. And now that I've lost him, I'm suffocating." For the duration of the speech, Lorelai's eyes never once left Liz's. Suddenly Liz walked off leaving Lorelai standing there. She watched the woman walk away and turned toward TJ. "Was that conversation over?" TJ just shrugged while still engrossed in his program.

Liz soon came back and handed Lorelai a piece of paper. "These are the directions to Luke's cabin. Don't lose them. Just…be confident."

Lorelai grinned and hugged Liz. "Oh my God, thank you so much!"

Once they pulled apart Liz said, "Don't hurt him, all right? He's had enough hurt in his lifetime."

"I promise." She grinned again and then was out the door on her way to find Luke's hideaway. Now all she had to think of was what to say once she found him.

-

After a two hour drive full of "The Doors" blasting in her ears, she stopped in front of a secluded cabin in the middle of the forest. Lorelai took a deep breath and grabbed the rearview mirror to adjust it on herself. She fixed her hair and face. Once she was satisfied she moved the mirror back which proceeded to fall off once her hand moved from it. She looked at it on the floor and said, "Damn mirror," under her breath. After gaining her courage, she stepped out of the jeep and silently closed the door. She wanted to surprise him. She looked up at the dark cabin and straightened her clothes to look presentable (and available). After a few more deep breaths, Lorelai quietly walked up the wear-beaten path to the door. One more deep breath and she lifted her hand. This was it. The moment of truth. She bit her lip in anticipation as her breathing got faster and lightly knocked on the door. Soon she heard footsteps walking toward her. Her breathing quickened and she placed a small smile on her lips as the door opened and light flooded over her face. Lorelai's face turned from the smile to a look of mixed confusion and disappointment.

-

A/N: All right! That's it:D This is, after all, a season finale, so you have to have a good cliffhanger. The music inspiration is from my dad because he was listening to "The Doors" as I was writing this, so there you go! Review, please! Au revoir for now!


End file.
